I read Andrew's latest post yesterday, and spent a good bit of time musing about his questions while pumping not-very-much iron at the gym. I'm going to use my incredible plot-summary powers and condense the gist of it into a few questions: What if you lost the person you loved and your family? What would you do if your plan for the future collapsed? Why are you motivated to do what you do?
The last one grabbed me, as big transcendental-like questions tend to for someone who's joined the Arts enemy and dealt with her own share of self-fabricated guilt. Why did I gamble on an English degree, of all things? Why put myself up for another 3 years of academic hell? And why -- I know semi-D asks this all the time -- do I eschew work in favour of doing things for free?
I thought about writing the answer to this using only random motivational quotes, ripped of TV shows, motivational calendars and the like, but I don't have the patience to find that many. For me, it comes down to getting the most bang for the buck I was given when I was born. One motivator's guilt: my grandparents gave up too much so I could have this pampered, upper-middle-class suburban life, and I can't even read and write their language. Shame, shame! There's some part of me -- probably a recessive accountant gene from my mother -- that keeps insisting that I haven't paid my dues to society, and that I need to give back all the priviledge I've been given. I can't forget what's been done for me, and seeing people get trampled while doing the same for their families gets me riled. Understandably, I think.
On a more selfish note, all my family members in my parents' generation are nice, quiet, professional, and utterly uninvolved citizens. There's a certain cachet, a je ne sais quoi, about the prospect of being the first radical social hell-raiser in my family. Well, the second -- I think my grandfather was pretty involved too, which would explain why my mother never got along well with him. That, or it was his smoking, but I prefer the former reason!
Definitely not all the reasons, but more on that later; the Wellness Centre meeting's about to start. That, and this keyboard is a little clammy, which should be disturbing in a place known for its cheap condoms.
The last one grabbed me, as big transcendental-like questions tend to for someone who's joined the Arts enemy and dealt with her own share of self-fabricated guilt. Why did I gamble on an English degree, of all things? Why put myself up for another 3 years of academic hell? And why -- I know semi-D asks this all the time -- do I eschew work in favour of doing things for free?
I thought about writing the answer to this using only random motivational quotes, ripped of TV shows, motivational calendars and the like, but I don't have the patience to find that many. For me, it comes down to getting the most bang for the buck I was given when I was born. One motivator's guilt: my grandparents gave up too much so I could have this pampered, upper-middle-class suburban life, and I can't even read and write their language. Shame, shame! There's some part of me -- probably a recessive accountant gene from my mother -- that keeps insisting that I haven't paid my dues to society, and that I need to give back all the priviledge I've been given. I can't forget what's been done for me, and seeing people get trampled while doing the same for their families gets me riled. Understandably, I think.
On a more selfish note, all my family members in my parents' generation are nice, quiet, professional, and utterly uninvolved citizens. There's a certain cachet, a je ne sais quoi, about the prospect of being the first radical social hell-raiser in my family. Well, the second -- I think my grandfather was pretty involved too, which would explain why my mother never got along well with him. That, or it was his smoking, but I prefer the former reason!
Definitely not all the reasons, but more on that later; the Wellness Centre meeting's about to start. That, and this keyboard is a little clammy, which should be disturbing in a place known for its cheap condoms.
